No farting, please.

Or talking with your mouth full, or leaving the toothpaste open.

Small, nasty little habits we have, which can drill the small holes of annoyance through which happiness seeps out of a relationship. Everybody has them, the trick is identifying those you can´t absolutely bear near you. Like that awful smell that emanates from a day old gym shirt that´s still lying on the bathroom floor. Or putting on your makeup in the car. Although this may sound like we´re going into Seinfeld territory, there are some habits that really get you on the other side of pissed. And since they are habitual (hence their name) it is very possible that they will happen every day. Every day. For as long as you both shall live.

So, either be watchful and wary, running from them like a startled cat, or learn to accept and live with them. Because you have them too, and you may need some slack the next time those beans start making music.

The best day in your life

It´s been an average Wednesday. As your hand extends to open the door, your mouth stretches from ear to ear. Your steps rap joyfully on the floor, taking you to where you´ll find the hug that greets you. That night, your head rests calmly on the pillow, and you know tomorrow is going to be another best day.

Let´s face it, if you think your wedding day was (or is going to be) the best day of your life, you might as well die: there´s nothing left to look forward to.

Your best day has to be this one. Today. An average Whateverday that takes you from sunrise to sunset, waking up to and going to sleep with, the person you feel happiest with.

That´s the target. I´m not saying that every day should be ideal, just that it could be. You shouldn´t need a big production, like a wedding, or a birthday, to feel great about your relationship. Because life happens every day, not just on your anniversary.

So go ahead, have crappy days, that´s ok. But have wonderful, average days, too.

You just have to find the person to share them with.

Just a friend

And that´s the problem with that dagger: "let´s JUST be friends" means exactly that. Just. As in, there´s nothing else. Nichts. Because a warm coat of fur, big ears, and waggly tail can fill that space too, and you are not looking for a pet here.

Physical attraction is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is (very) important. It tips the scales on the "I´m going to like waking up to you everyday for the rest of my life, side". It makes you tingle in that tender place when you suddenly see your partner. It´s the blow that forces that "wow" from your lips when you meet for a date.

Time does not fade it when you combine it with all the other things that make a good relationship turn.

So go ahead and look out for beauty in the form you can best appreciate it, and pair it up with other good qualities. Or just look for a friend in your nearest kennel.

It´s so simple, it gets complicated

Remember those fatefull words to that song? "I can´t help falling in love with you"? It´s no wonder so many relationships fail if we´ve been hearing this and other lies all our lives. Yes, lies, mentiras, Lügen. In a word, crap.

You may not be able to help finding somebody attractive. But "love at first sight" turns into "divorce in six months" if you expect a relationship to grow and mature based only on physical attraction.

And that´s why you need a plan. Thinking and willing yourself to love for ever, BEFORE you have a partner, makes you think more seriously about what kind of person you will want by your side for so long. Do you really think that you will be able to stand the little quirks you gloss over today, 10 years from now? No, really. The high pitched laugh, the snoring, the hairy legs (hers), the hairy back (his)... Feelings are not enough to get you through PMS once a month for years to come. Believe me.

So plan to win. In posts to come we´ll get into the how. Step by step.

Keep on reading and you´ll be able to sing "I can help falling out of love with you."

If you are so succesful, why are you still single?

Before you burn me in effigy, let me say that I don´t think single people are failures. What I am saying is that there are too many succesful people wanting a relationship that works, and not finding it.

Why is that? We are talking about mature, intelligent, independent people who have had one miserable relationship after the other. Why can´t they carry their success on to their personal lives?

Because they probably don´t use the same strategies to finding and keeping a partner that they use in other areas. It seems as though people just shut off their sound judgement and turn into a bunch of "feelings" with no impulse control. They seem to think that only feelings matter in love.

Well, that´s a warm pile of garbage. If the brain doesn´t follow the heart, the heart will not be enough.